oXFDST oF tHE eAST | alphahorace

wARSAW

If you consider yourself a historian you will probably have believed what you read in the history books that you meticulously studied at school. You will no doubt be aware that, having invaded the Sudetenland in 1939, Hitler, emboldened, moved rapidly west. A new style of warfare - blitzkreig - brought german panzers rapidly into Poland. Surely France would follow and then, who knows, Blighty presumably. So Britain entered the War ostensibly to secure our homeland against these rampaging aryan hoards. However, we daygamers know better. We know that Britain entered the war to stop premium quality Polish skirt being run through by the krauts. F*ck that!

So with all the crusading zeal of the British Expeditionary Force ("The Old Contemtibles", history fans) I packed my bags and set my sights on Poland. It was the Summer 2023. It was time for my first euro jaunt. Also, lets be honest - its a safe option for a beginner, I thought. What could go wrong? What indeed...

I arrived and after setting up shop in my Airbnb (just outside central Warsaw), a cursory glance at the map, I headed into town. For those who dont know the area you basically want to head for Nowy Swiat and explore from there. Get to the end and your in old town. A little before and swing a left and theres a decent shopping precinct. No not a mall! Im English!.

After a bit of banter with the boys on Tusks Wingfinder whatsapp group I approached these girls. (The ones on the left. lol)

Couple of things hit me immediately - this was fucking easy!! These girls actually WANTED to be approached! Now, of course, I'm not saying theyre easy to pull. No, globally that doesn't change. Your mark 1 human female is selective by design. Promiscuity levels do, however, vary a little depending on societal norms across continents - so whats fair game in downtown Condessa might not be accepted in eastern Europe. Poland was a case in point. The polish girls were polite, agreeable but distinctly conservative. The ones I spoke to, anyway. They give you the time of day which, as a Londoner, is immensely refreshing - it restores your faith in female nature. These girls will happily hear you out. You can make your pitch and they'll respect you for trying.

Why that is, I dont really know. but there seems to be a culture of putting themselves in the shop window. They happily parade up and down the main thoroughfares just enjoying the ambiance. Perhaps like the Victorians did on a day trip to Brighton in the 19th Century. Being seen, being pretty, being out n about, being a girl about town would seem to be a reward in its own right. These girls enjoyed being...well....girls.

Contrast that with London were the girls are ALWAYS in a rush. Whether it be for shopping, or to get to Pilates, or just away from yet another Daygamer, the difference is profound. People walk at double the speed. And theres twice as many men. At least! Where are all the men, here? Pub? Who knows. I aint complaining!

I had breaks but I went on for hours. I had a nice idate with a girl at lunch. Over pizza we discussed the local music scene. She invited me to a open air club night later on that evening at the Hocky Clocky club. There was a house DJ on. He was good she reassured me. More on that later.

Shortly after I wandered around the old town with a Ukrainian refugee. She was 18, with those classic slavic looks we Daygamers know and love - svelte but curvy, long brunette hair, blue eyes and porcelain white skin. She was introverted and shy but seemed quite comfortable ambling about the cobbled streets with me. Within 30 seconds of meeting her I had mapped out our life together - as you do when you meet a 'keeper'.

Her jeans were so ripped they looked like they were about to give way. I tryed to lure her to London on the promise of a shopping trip to Harrods for some new ones. Bit of provider game never did any harm ; ) She demured.

After a while I felt the energy dip. She had ducked all attempts at flirting. The early sexual tension had given way to a comfortable, soporific, although not disagreeable friend-zoning. F*ck my luck : /

The time had come to part. I left with a hail-mary pass of "fancy meeting for a drink later?", replete with rakish wink. She flat refused. "Im sorry but Im not over my PTSD". "Was that before or after you met me?", I quipped.

tECHNO tOWN

As the sun began to set I made my way across the river to the club. I was taking a trip to techno town. Ostensibly the goal was to meet my date but in the thronging club, the chaos of night game, I knew that the odds didnt look good. Maybe Id score some cheap pills or get some bop to slip mandy in my overpriced beer. Then a snog with a MILF on her night off from the offspring -living her best (ie. uninhibited) life would round out the evening nicely. Only time would tell. I mean, its an adventure, right? : D

When I arrived, immediately I bumped into Paula - a girl I had approached earlier in the day.

"TOOOOOOOOOOM!!!", she yelled across the courtyard of the outdoor club. Her boyfriend looked puzzled and pissed off. But mostly pissed off.

Paula had been a noteworthy set actually. Maybe the 10th of the day I was experimenting with a slightly more direct style. As soon as i met her she hit me with a huge smile so I remarked, "wow! you must be getting great sex with a smile like that!". That was my opener. And it electrified the conversation.

Tom Torero had been exactly right. When you say the word "sexy" to a girl in conversation it fries their circuits. The lady-brain cant handle it. Its like that bit in Austin Powers when he's flirting with the fembots - their eyelids start to flutter uncontrollably and they go into meltdown. It had happened to me right before my very eyes. On more than one occasion. Fellow gamers take note.

The Club is within a stones throw of the national stadium

Day gave way to night and I was tiring of the club. I couldnt find my 'date' so I made an executive decision to leave. My feet were tired and it had been a good day. Id had a decent days gaming topped off with some decent cardio at a really lively club. It made sense to leave on a high. I set off with the warm glow of a man soon to settle into his warm, comfortable bed. I got out my phone to order an Uber.

No battery

Fuck.

My phone was dead. Totally dead. You know that deep phone death - no little 'recharge me please. pretty please' icon. I held it in my hot little hand like the useless little black brick it had become.

Trying hard to resist the temptation to launch it into the Vistula I made my way across town on foot.

Now, just as an aside, I think people broadly fall into 2 categories. Now Im no psychologist but I think theres your normal types ....and then theres yer nutters. Being a daygamer does not automatically categorise you. Ive met gamers who are very normal. Boring even. Which are you?

It was at this point that I made a mistake. Ill freely admit it.

When I got back Warsaw central I walked straight past my flat, a cup of hot chocolate, my warm inviting bed and straight into a strip club

Whenever you walk into a strip club you get that lovely dopamine hit dont you? The darkness, the atmospheric red light hinting at the forbidden, the poles glinting in the ambient light. The bar full of luxurious intoxicants, the full attention of the staff, no queuing, your god after all! You knew it all along. Youre a man! The promise of forbidden fruit hangs in the air. The overpowering, hypnotic, intensity of raw, uncut feminity, injected mainline into your sensory system is too much to take in. Thats why men go. Were drawn like moths to a flame. Unable to resist the siren call. We all want the same thing. We all fall for the fantasy...

My angel is here.

And she wants me

Except it doesnt quite work out like that does it? Morning breaks and we're x ££ lighter. We never learn.

On arrival I was furnished with a vodka shot and a nubile, tall, willowy, Sheena Easton (look her up) looking girl eased onto the sofa beside me. Fully clothed for a stripper. White mini-dress. Dragon tattoo. Irresistible.

She oozed sexuality

(stripper game proximity warning triggered - YELLOW ALERT.)

'hiiiiii', she drawled

(stripper game verbal opener warning triggered - YELLOW ALERT. Bypass set)

'youre new in town, right? Hows your night going? I think its about to get better. ', she purred.

(Stripper game rapid escalation gambit triggered - YELLOW ALERT. Financial systems deactivated. Override triggered. Failsafes localized failure. Circuits isolated)

She had stripper shoes. White high heels. 6 inchs

More shots appeared.

"You like brunettes dont you?"

a pause

time stands still.

(Stripper game warning - sexual tension exceeded safety thresholds.)

"I know somewhere we can go where we will have all the privacy we need".

(RED ALERT - General systems failure. Segmentation Fault)

"lets go", I said.

I awoke to a perfect sunrise. It was beautiful. It was almost perfect. Perfect, that is, but for the fact that I was semi-naked, crumpled in a doorway, in a side street, broken in mind body and spirit. Still very drunk - not even hungover - I looked down to survey the scene. I was expecting a vision of dickensian squalor. However, through more luck than judgement no liquids had been ejected from my body. At least, not visibly, maybe I projectile vomited in the club? Perhaps we'd never know. It seemed unreal. Was this happening? Was I dreaming? My brain wasnt working! I tried to focus. Where was I? I looked around. Slowly.

What had happened? I remembered going to a room, 2 girls, undressed, lots of making out. But then Id slipped into unconsciousness. The industrial strength liquor had worked its diabolical magic. Id passed out, Id been cleaned out, and then, unceremoniously escorted out. My final resting place for the night had been a concrete step in an alleyway, off the high street. A forlorn figure curled up in a doorway. I had inadvertently joined the pavement community, a gentleman of the road, a dirty denizen of the street - but still on a day rate of north of £800/day. Every cloud.

Id lost my belt. Had I been spanking them? Had they returned the favour?

Id lost my keys.

F*ck.

I fought the rising panic. This was a disaster. i couldnt get back in the airbnb and i still had no phone. I became angst ridden but I didnt panic. Not too badly anyway. I took a deep breath. First things first. I needed to charge my phone. But where? It was sunrise - maybe 6:30am. I had to wait until a shop opened and maybe with a bit of luck theyd charge my phone. Then I would collect my keys when the club reopened. Whenever that was? Anxiety, stress, adrenaline all subsided. I wandered down Nowy Swiat and eventually settled on a bench. I was woozy, I shrugged, then head dipped, as the temperature rose I slowly dosed off.

When I awoke I was in the grip of a most profound lust. I clearly hadnt shot my load the night before and I was now at the mercy of my loins. Temptation arose in me as I recalled the nasty bitches that had been my downfall. As I drifted off into fantasy I eased my hand into my unbelted jeans. Madam palm and her 5 beautiful daughters were going to work their magic...

"EXCUSE ME SIR. WHAT ARE YOU DOING??"

Oh Jesus, could this get worse? What was going on now?? Who the f*ck was this?? Thankfully they were behind me. They couldnt see the horror on my face. I eased my hand out of my trousers. Eventually I replied, attempting to muster as much dignity as possible, "Im fine, just relaxing on this beautiful morning".

I twisted round. In front of me were 2 police officers. Female.

And they were stunning.

"Im going to need to see your passport, please?", the first said. "Why? Is there a problem officer?" It turned out that because the UK is no longer in the EU you are obliged to carry ID with you at all times. Maybe its an immigration thing. I certainly wasnt going to argue. I had a driving license but this apparantly was insufficient. I needed my passport, I didnt have it. Simple as that.

Was this an offence?

Is this a fine or would I get jail time? (That would solve the accommodation problem, I thought)

I thought about how this might affect my daygame stats and my standing in the community...

Euro Jaunt 1 - Poland - May 2023

Approaches: 25

Number Closes: 12

Dates: 3

Lays: 0 (I think?)

Deportations: 1

Was that good??

Anyway, once I explained my predicament the police were ok about it. By pure blind luck they were really sound. They pointed me at a venue that might charge my phone.

The day wore on, I got a spare set of keys from the Airbnb owner and slowly but surely I patched the drama up. Later in the day - after what seemed a lifetime - I returned to the scene of the crime and reclaimed my keys. They were still on the chain and in a ziplock, specimen bag. How they had come off I dont know. The girl behind the bar gave me a surly look.

"Thanks", I spat. With all the irony I could muster. Which was a lot.

And that was Warsaw. The next day I didnt really do anything - my nerves were shot. I went back to the alleyway and took the above photo for posterity. I wanted to remember what a fool Id been . And I really had.

Poland had offered such hope. And delivered so little.

I knew how the Fuhrer must have felt!